I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
