I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
