I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
