I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
