Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
