i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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