I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Too much gin, very little bucket
why do cheetos always look like penises
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
