Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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