i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
