I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Randomize
