you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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