its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
