Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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