dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
