Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
