I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The air was thick with penises
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
