Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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