So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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