so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
