oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
