I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
