i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
