remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
false alarm. still invincible.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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