If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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