with your own penis?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
