I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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