Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
