Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my being single is dangerous.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
