He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
