Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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