My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
