please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
