I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
