I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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