Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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