Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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