That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
