so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize