then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
