just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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