eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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