she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
