Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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