so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish you could order shots online.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
