The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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