Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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