So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
