dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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