is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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