If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
