Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize