i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
