I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
party gras won. party gras always wins.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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