I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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