I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
