I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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