yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
