im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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