Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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