Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize