I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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