i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
A+ Viking dick
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
