Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
