Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
