So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
