Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
