My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
