I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
