I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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