why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My pussy is not your playground.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
