do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
