It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
