I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
