I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize