you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
