you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm like, not good at living.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize