I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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