I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
