I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
